Friday, September 18, 2009

Freedom from Anger and Confusion

I thought I'd share my story....

I grew up in a divorced home like a lot of teenagers. I was raised by a loving mother and stepfather. My stepfather was an alcoholic making things particularly tough. My stepfather’s combination of drinking and shady business dealings led him into massive debt, driving him to commit suicide. Mom told me he took his own life which plunged my existence into a sea of confusion, anger and bitterness. I needed answers, yet couldn’t find any. At twelve years of age, the only wisdom I knew was to bottle up my feelings and share with know one how I felt.

Jeff’s death forced an emotional growth I was not prepared for. I had to take care of my little brother who was too young to know anything. I used to sit at my Mothers bedside while she poured her heart out and cried. It was the most awful time I’ve ever experienced.

A couple of years later Mom remarried and we moved to Hawaii. I thought, “great! Hawaii was the perfect place to lose these old memories and start over.” This wasn’t the case. My anger began to build like a ticking time bomb. My friends nicknamed me “Mt Sartain”, like a volcano waiting to erupt. The smallest thing would set me off. As a result, my friends and family suffered.

About a year later I received an invitation from my Father to live with him in San Diego and start a new life. As a last resort, Mom thought it best I do this. My grades had slipped; I was smoking marijuana and was hanging out with the wrong crowd. At this point it was a good change.

Shortly after arriving in San Diego my new family lavished love upon me like I'd never felt before. They decorated my new room with baseball pennants and skateboard memorabilia. I was treated as a king. I knew from this point a decision had to be made about dealing with my anger. After a couple of weeks Dad sat me down and told me Jesus loved me; that if I released my life into His Hands he'd give me peace and eliminate my frustrations. I declined that day but couldn’t get out of my head what he said. I sat on my bed that night and said to God, “I don’t know who you are but I’m going to give you this much (as I held up my pinched fingers in the air showing God exactly what he was going to get from me.) And you have to do with what little I give you. Amen!” I didn’t feel any different at the moment but I slept that night like I’d never slept before. I woke up with a peace I can’t explain. Jesus took the table crumb of my life and made it a meal. He took what little I gave him and in return gave me what I really wanted. Peace. The anger was suddenly gone. I was free like I’ve never been free before. I started attending church regularly and joined some Bible studies. I grew so much in those first three years of my faith. I’ll never forget it.

At age twenty two God called me into ministry. I was reluctant as I kicked and screamed to deny HIS call but, couldn’t deny it was His will. You know when God wants you to do something because it’s the hardest thing to do. He gave me Ezekiel Chapter three which says.. And He said to me, "Son of man, stand on your feet, and I will speak to you." Then the Spirit entered me when He spoke to me, and set me on my feet; and I heard Him who spoke to me. I fell on my knees after reading that passage and gave my life to the Lord once more. Daily surrender is crucial in living for Jesus. I felt a tremendous peace from that time on determined to serve God with all I had. Within three weeks of making that commitment I met my beautiful wife Tara, I landed a job at one of the most exclusive resorts in the world and a missionary from Crete paid my entire tuition for school. I couldn’t believe it!

He sent a good friend, Daniel Wilson, to disciple me. Many nights we’re spent in his one bedroom apartment with commentary’s, lexicons, different translations of the Bible on his floor, searching the scriptures and being blown away by the truth’s discovered about the Lord.

After graduation, Tara and I we’re married and we embarked on a series of ministry opportunities. Over the next six years God showed me what and what not to do. The most valuable lessoned learned was teach God’s Word, book by book, chapter by chapter, verse by verse, as it says in Isaiah 28:10 - For precept must be upon precept, line upon line, Here a little, there a little." I caught the vision for North Carolina desiring to serve under my father. Dad has blessed me as the best Father and spiritual mentor in the world. He’s my hero and other than Jesus, he’s the best example I’ve ever known.

We finally moved to North Carolina in the spring of 2002 and have been here ever since. I’m so excited about Horizon and what God is doing here. He’s changing one life at a time in ways I’ve never expected. He’s richly blessed me with my beautiful wife Tara and four wonderful children in Sophia, Caden, Sage & Miles.

I thank men like Mike Macintosh, Chuck Smith, Jon Courson, Dr. David Jeremiah, Miles Macpherson, and others who God used as vessels to shape me. I’m so grateful.